**This blog post was actually written 8-31-10 and never published. Sadly, Ramona, zombie dog extraordinaire, had to be put to sleep just 4 short months later on 12-30-10 due to worsening health and being unable to use her back legs any longer. We miss her terribly, stenches and all. After re-reading the post though, I didn't have the heart NOT to publish it because it made me smile to read it again. Love you Mona!!
Our dog Ramona, has just a few health issues at her ripe old age of fourteen years. She is missing quite a few teeth from her years of misadventures with her dental health. She has the sugar-beetis and gets insulin twice a day. She has a narrow trachea that makes it difficult to breathe when she gets too excited (when you're a million years old...peeing can be exciting) This makes her snore like a freight train even when she's just "cat-napping", grunt when she's walking, and makes eating so taxing that she now sometimes lays in front of the dish to feed her piehole. In addition to her 2 daily shots, she gets a total of 4 pills. BUT WAIT!! If you call in the next 90 seconds, we'll throw in a quart of noxious dog gas that could make even the most heinous beg for mercy.
After taking all of this into consideration, my husband has decided that she is part zombie. Parts of her have died and the rest of her body just hasn't received the message yet. The first really dead part of her has been determined to be her underbelly. It is hairless and pinkish-grey. It has lumps, bumps, anomalies, scabs, dry skin that peels off in large sheets, superfluous nipples that have grown in since we got her....it's just gross. No doubt about it, it has died at some point along the way.
We also have a new call for her...not the regular whistle or tongue click...we just moan "BRAAAAAINS". She always comes a-runnin'. (Well, not really. She's all but deaf and has cataracts and can't see for shit.) Despite all these seemingly terrible things, we love her to death and would hate for anything truly terrible to happen to her.